Every single day.

I miss you. There I said it, I miss you like crazy. I miss you all the time, no matter what I'm doing or who I'm with. I think about you in everything I do, whether I'm out and about or just sitting in my room. I can't take your necklace off or remove the pictures because then this all becomes real for me and I don't think I can do that yet. I'm not over you but I'm doing a good job convincing everyone else that I am. I wanted you to think I'd moved on so that you could. You always deserved someone better than me. I knew it and so did you. You deserve everything in this world and in this life, and I couldn't provide you with that. I miss your smile because its the only thing that can get me out of a bad mood. I miss your laugh because it fills my heart with happiness. I chose to make mistakes this time for the both of us. I knew you should never be with me again, so I did what I had to do to make sure that you never got back together with me. I knew what I had to do because you told me from the start. I don't care how it makes me look and I'm going to have to learn to not care how it makes you think of me because I am so tired of making you miserable and unhappy. My heart hurts every night when I try to go to sleep because I know I'm only lying to myself. I know I'm not over you and I don't know why but I keep feeling like I'm not supposed to be. I wish I could talk to you because you're the only person who ever understood me completely and fully. I'm sorry that I had to hurt you. I didn't want to but I knew I had to. You're my whole heart and I think I know deep down you always will be. I think I also know deep down this wasn't how it was supposed to end. I think God has a plan for me and I think it still involves you. I think that every night God puts you in my dreams for a reason and I don't think it's coincidental that I fall asleep crying over you every single night. I don't think I'll ever fully move on because I don't think I really want to. I don't want to be with anyone else and I don't care about anyone else the same way I cared about you. I don't ever want to feel that way about anyone else. I swore my heart to you and I know for a fact it's still yours no matter how many times I lie and say its not. I'm good at pretending everything is okay during the day but at night I fall apart. When no one is around and no one can see me, I fall apart with my whole entire world caving in. I look through our pictures every night before I fall asleep and I cry until I'm tired because I can't sleep if I don't. I want to hold you one last time, I want to tell how in love with you I am one last time. But I know these things won't happen. I know I have to push forward everyday for the rest of time because I know you deserve better and I love you that much. I love you more than anything in this world and I'd give up anything just for it to work between us. I'd literally give my whole life for one last chance to work. You're the one thing in my life I know. You chose to take my heart and I don't think I'll ever get it back. No matter how much time passes, it'll always be you. Yes, always you.