All of it hits at once.

I wanna begin with I really care. But I miss you... Kind of alot. I got used to seeing you, kissing you, and all of the sudden it just stopped. I guess it makes me upset because I feel like you don't want me anymore. I don't feel like I matter anymore.

When my feelings don't matter anymore, I begin to deal with it alone. I push everyone out my life. It's a constant habit I posses. I get confused and I get lost. I get scared and I just let everything sit in my head. I don't like talking to people about how I feel because it's either pathetic or they just don't care. And that's understandable, because at the end of the day, everyone thinks about their own problems.

Well when I lay down to sleep and we're fighting, it really is hard for me to sleep. I toss and turn all night. I worry about what you're thinking and all that good stuff. It's not fair that you can be in my head constantly and I'm never in yours. It's not fair that I hurt because I never get to see you, kiss you, or touch you anymore. It's not fair that you get to chose whether I have a good or a bad day. Its not fair that when we fight, I upset myself and everyone who tries to talk to me. I guess alot isn't fair, huh.

I hate feeling like I mean nothing. I hate feeling like every scar I hid, is coming back to life. I feel like you took my heart. I feel like you're gonna take advantage of how much I care about you, because I do. I care so much.

I'm an emotional person, I know this. But I don't cry over just anyone. I really have to care. And I mean, I know I tell myself all the time I don't just to convince myself into not getting attached. I don't want to give it all up while I don't even know how it's supposed to be..

Confusion is something I find every girl posses. We all think into things just to find every scenario that could possibly exist. We can't control the way our minds think, especially those who have been hurt before. After dealing with the pain, it's extremely difficult opening up to someone new and not thinking into everything.

But it's like someone once told me, the smiles and kisses that we do have, are the reason to stick around. The fights and time spent apart is only a bump in the road. No road is ever perfect but it's for the flaws and mistakes that we fall more and more for someone. The smile someone can put on your face is enough. The moments someone can take your breath away are the moments where we thank God we're alive. And last, the moments where you feel like you never want to leave that moment, those are the moments worth living for.